Friday, November 2, 2007
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Office Humour:HR=HIGHLY RISK.
After 2 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been promoted, no transfer, no salary increment and no commendation. So he decided to walk up to his HR Manager. His manager looked at him, smiled and asked him to sit down saying:”My friend you have not worked here for even a single day.” The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.
Manager: How many days are there in a year?
Man:365 days and sometimes 366.
Manager:How many hours make up a day?
Man:24 Hours.
Manager:How long do u work in a day?
Man: 10am to 6pm i.e. 8 hours a day.
Manager:So, what fraction of the day do u work in hours?
Man:He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 i.e. 1/3 (one third).
Manager:This is nice of u! What is 1/3rd of 366 days?
Man:122(1/3 x 366=122 in days)
Manager:Do u come to work on weekends?
Man:No sir.
Manager:How many days r there in a year that r weekends?
Man:52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days.
Manager:Thanks for that. If u remove 104 days from 122 days. how many days do u now have?
Man:18 days.
Manager:I do give u 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove that 14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do u have remaining?
Man:4 days.
Manager:Do u work on Republic Day?
Man: No sir!
Manager:Do u come to work on Independence Day?
Man: No sir!
Manager: So how many days r left?
Man:2 days Sir!
Manager:Do u come to work on New Years Day?
Man:No sir!
Manager: So how many days r left?
Man:1 day sir!
Manager:Do u work on Christmas Day?
Man:No Sir!
Manager: So how many days r left?
Man:None Sir!
Manager:So what r u claiming?
Man: !!!… Moral-NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!!
HR-HIGHLY RISK.
Evolution of a Programmer - Printing Hello World.
High School/Jr.High
10 PRINT “HELLO WORLD”
20 END
First year in College
program Hello(input, output)begin
writeln(’Hello World’)end.
Senior year in College
(defun hello(print
(cons ‘Hello (list ‘World))))
New professional
#include
void main(void){char *message[] = {”Hello “, “World”};
int i;
for(i = 0; i < 2; ++i)
printf(”%s”, message[i]);
printf(”\n”);
}
Seasoned professional
#include
#include <>class string{
private:int size;
char *ptr;
public:
string() : size(0), ptr(new char(’\0′)) {}
string(const string &s) : size( s.size)
{
ptr = new char[size + 1];
strcpy(ptr, s.ptr);
}
~string()
{
delete [] ptr;
}
friend ostream &operator <<(ostream &, const string &);
string &operator=(const char *);
};
ostream &operator<<(ostream &stream, const string &s)
{
return(stream << s.ptr);
}
string &string::operator=(const char *chrs)
{
if (this != &chrs)
{
delete [] ptr;
size = strlen(chrs);
ptr = new char[size + 1]; strcpy(ptr, chrs);
}
return(*this);
}
int main()
{
string str;
str = “Hello World”; cout << str << endl;
return(0);
Master Programmer
[ uuid(2573F8F4-CFEE-101A-9A9F -00AA00342820)
]library LHello{
// bring in the master libraryimportlib(”actimp.tlb “);
importlib(”actexp.tlb”);
// bring in my interfaces
#include ” pshlo.idl”
[
uuid(2573F8F5-CFEE-101A-9A9F -00AA00342820)
]
cotype THello
{
interface IHello;
interface IPersistFile;
};
};
[
exe,
uuid(2573F890-CFEE-101A-9A9F -00AA00342820)
]
module CHelloLib
{
// some code related header files
importheader();
importheader(<>);
importheader(<>);
importheader(” pshlo.h”);
importheader(”shlo.hxx”);
importheader(”mycls.hxx”);
// needed typelibs
importlib(” actimp.tlb”);
importlib(”actexp.tlb”);
importlib(”thlo.tlb”);
[
uuid(2573F891-CFEE-101A-9A9F -00AA00342820),
aggregatable
]
coclass CHello
{
cotype THello;
};
};
#include ” ipfix.hxx”
extern HANDLE hEvent;
class CHello : public CHelloBase
{
public:
IPFIX(CLSID_CHello);
CHello(IUnknown *pUnk);
~CHello();
HRESULT __stdcall PrintSz(LPWSTR pwszString);
private:
static int cObjRef;
};
#include
#include
#include
#include
#include ” thlo.h ”
#include “pshlo.h”
#include “shlo.hxx”
#include “mycls.hxx”
int CHello::cObjRef = 0;
CHello::CHello(IUnknown *pUnk) : CHelloBase(pUnk)
{
cObjRef++;
return;
} HRESULT __stdcall CHello::PrintSz(LPWSTR pwszString)
{
printf(”%ws\n”, pwszString);
return(ResultFromScode(S_OK));
}
CHello::~CHello(void)
{
// when the object count goes to zero, stop the server
cObjRef–;
if( cObjRef == 0 )
PulseEvent(hEvent);
return;
}
#include
#include <>
#include ” pshlo.h”
#include ” shlo.hxx”
#include “mycls.hxx” HANDLE hEvent;
int _cdecl main(
int argc,
char * argv[]
) {
ULONG ulRef; DWORD dwRegistration;
CHelloCF *pCF = new CHelloCF();
hEvent = CreateEvent(NULL, FALSE, FALSE, NULL);
// Initialize the OLE libraries
CoInitializeEx(NULL, COINIT_MULTITHREADED);
CoRegisterClassObject(CLSID _CHello, pCF, CLSCTX_LOCAL_SERVER,
REGCLS_MULTIPLEUSE, &dwRegistration);
// wait on an event to stop
WaitForSingleObject(hEvent, INFINITE);
// revoke and release the class object
CoRevokeClassObject(dwRegistrat ion);
ulRef = pCF->Release();
// Tell OLE we are going away.
CoUninitialize();
return(0);
}
extern CLSID CLSID_CHello; extern UUID LIBID_CHelloLib;
CLSID CLSID_CHello = { /* 2573F891-CFEE-101A-9A9F -00AA00342820 */
0×2573F891,
0xCFEE,
0×101A,
{ 0×9A, 0×9F, 0×00, 0xAA, 0×00, 0×34, 0×28, 0×20 }
};
UUID LIBID_CHelloLib = { /* 2573F890-CFEE-101A-9A9F -00AA00342820 */
0×2573F890,
0xCFEE,
0×101A,
{ 0×9A, 0×9F, 0×00, 0xAA, 0×00, 0×34, 0×28, 0×20 } };
#include
#include <>
#include <> #include
#include
#include ” pshlo.h”
#include ” shlo.hxx” #include ” clsid.h ”
int _cdecl main(
int argc,
char * argv[] ) {
HRESULT hRslt;
IHello *pHello;
ULONG ulCnt;
IMoniker * pmk;
WCHAR wcsT[_MAX_PATH];
WCHAR wcsPath[2 * _MAX_PATH];
// get object path
wcsPath[0] = ‘\0′;
wcsT[0] = ‘\0′;
if( argc > 1) {
mbstowcs(wcsPath, argv[1], strlen(argv[1]) + 1);
wcsupr(wcsPath);
}
else { fprintf(stderr, “Object path must be specified\n”);
return(1);
}
// get print string
if(argc > 2)
mbstowcs(wcsT, argv[2], strlen(argv[2]) + 1);
else
wcscpy(wcsT, L”Hello World”); printf(”Linking to object %ws\n”, wcsPath);
printf(”Text String %ws\n”, wcsT);
// Initialize the OLE libraries
hRslt = CoInitializeEx(NULL, COINIT_MULTITHREADED);
if(SUCCEEDED(hRslt)) {
hRslt = CreateFileMoniker(wcsPath, &pmk); if(SUCCEEDED(hRslt))
hRslt = BindMoniker(pmk, 0, IID_IHello, (void **)&pHello);
if(SUCCEEDED(hRslt)) {
// print a string out
pHello->PrintSz(wcsT);
Sleep(2000);
ulCnt = pHello->Release();
}
else printf(”Failure to connect, status: %lx”, hRslt);
// Tell OLE we are going away.
CoUninitialize();
}
return(0);
}
Program Manager
“Program Manager” < pm@company.com >
06/14/2006 03:32 PM
To teamworker@company.com
ccSubject Urgent,
Dear Team Member,
Please write a program to print “Hello World” before the EOD.
With regards, PM.
*QUESTIONS THAT U CAN’T ANSWER(TRY IT OUT)*
1. The maker doesn’t want it; the buyer doesn’t use it; and the user doesn’t see it. What is it?
2. A child is born in Boston, Massachusetts to parents who were both born in Boston, Massachusetts. The child is not a United States citizen. How is this possible?
3. Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain on Earth?
4. Clara Clatter was born on December 27th, yet her birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible?
5. Captain Frank and some of the boys were exchanging old war stories. Art Bragg offered one about how his grandfather led a battalion against a German division during World War I. Through brilliant maneuvers, he defeated them and captured valuable territory. After the battle he was presented with a sword bearing the inscription “To Captain Bragg for Bravery, Daring and Leadership. World War I. From the Men of Battalion “Captain Frank looked at Art and said, “You really don’t expect anyone to believe that yarn, do you?” What’s wrong with the story?
6. What is one thing that all wise men, regardless of their religion or politics, agree is between heaven and earth?
7. In what year did Christmas and New Year’s fall in the same year?
8. Why are 1990 American dollar bills worth more than 1989 American dollar bills?
9. A farmer has 17 sheep and all but 9 die. How many are left?
10. How many times can you subtract the number 5from 25?
11. How could you rearrange the letters in the words “new door” to make one word? Note: There is only one correct answer.
12. Even if they are starving, natives living in the Arctic will never eat a penguin’s egg. Why not?
13. Which is correct to say, “The yolk of the egg are white” or “The yolk of the egg is white”?
14. In Okmulgee, Oklahoma, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not?
15. There were an electrician and a plumber waiting in line for admission to the International Home Show,” One of them was the father of the other’s son. How could this be possible?
16. A butcher in the butcher shop is 5′ 10″ tall. What does he weigh?
*ANSWERS*
1. A coffin.
2. The child was born before 1776.
3. Mount Everest (it just hadn’t been discovered).
4. Clara lives in the southern hemisphere.
5. World War I wasn’t called “World War I” until World War II.
6. The word “and”.
7. They fall in the same year every year. New Year’s Day just arrives very early in the year and Christmas arrives very late in the same year.
8. One thousand nine hundred and ninety dollar bills are worth one dollar more than one thousand nine hundred and eighty-nine dollar bills.
9. Nine.
10. Only once, and then you are subtracting it from 20.
11. “One word”
12. Penguins live in the Antarctic.
13. Neither. The yolk of the egg is yellow.
14. You have to take a picture of a man with acamera, not with a wooden leg.
15. They were husband and wife.
16. Meat.A Story somehow related to …So called IT Proffessionals
A butcher watching over his shop is really surprised
when he sees a dog
coming inside the shop. He shoos him away. But later,
the dog is back
again. So, he goes over to the dog and notices it has
a note in its mouth.
He takes the note and it reads “Can I have 12 sausages
and a leg of lamb,
please”. The dog has money in its mouth, as well. The
butcher looks inside
and, there is a ten dollar note there. So he takes the
money and puts the
sausages and lamb in a bag, placing it in the dog’s
mouth.
when he sees a dog
coming inside the shop. He shoos him away. But later,
the dog is back
again. So, he goes over to the dog and notices it has
a note in its mouth.
He takes the note and it reads “Can I have 12 sausages
and a leg of lamb,
please”. The dog has money in its mouth, as well. The
butcher looks inside
and, there is a ten dollar note there. So he takes the
money and puts the
sausages and lamb in a bag, placing it in the dog’s
mouth.
The butcher is so impressed, and since it’s about
closing time, he decides
to shut the shop and follow the dog. So off he goes.
The dog is walking
down the street, when it comes to a level crossing;
the dog puts down the
bag, jumps up and presses the button. Then it waits
patiently, bag in
mouth, for the lights to turn. They do, and it walks
across the road, with
the butcher following him all the way.
The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking
at the timetable. The
butcher is in awe as the dog stops a bus by pulling
its left leg up and
gets in it. The butcher follows the dog into the bus.
Then the dog shows a
ticket which is tied to its belt to the bus conductor.
The butcher is
nearly fainting at this sight, so are the other
passengers in the bus. The
dog then sits near the driver’s seat looking outside
waiting for the bus
stop to come. As soon as the stop is in sight, the dog
stands and wags its
tail to inform the conductor. Then, without waiting
for the bus to stop
completely, it jumps out of the bus and runs to a
house very close to the
stop. It opens the big Iron Gate and rushes inside
towards the door.
As it approaches the wooden door, the dog suddenly
changes its mind and
heads towards the garden. It goes to the window, and
beats its head against
it several times, walks back, jumps off, and waits at
the door.
The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and
starts abusing the
dog, kicking him and punching him, and swearing at
him.
The butcher surprised with this, runs up, and stops
the guy. “What in
heaven’s name are you doing? The dog is a genius. He
could be on TV, for
the life of me!” to which the Guy responds: “You call
this clever? This is
the second time this week that this stupid dog’s
forgotten his key.”
*Moral of the story: You may continue to exceed onlooker’s expectations but shall always fall short of the boss’ expectations. It’s dog’s life after all……………...
A beautiful story for software people
There was a good old barber in Bangalore . One day a
florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the
barber
and the barber replies:
I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am
doing
a Community Service.
Florist is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his
shop, there is a “Thank You” Card and a dozen roses waiting at his
door.
A Confectioner goes for a haircut and he also goes to
pay the barber he again refuses to take the money. The Confectioner is
happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his
shop, there is another “Thank you” Card and a dozen Cakes waiting at
his
door.
A Software Engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the
barber
again refuses the money saying that it was a community
The next morning when the Barber goes to open his
shop, guess what he finds there……
Scroll down for answer… . . . . . . .. . . .. …
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(Believe me its worth!!!!!!!!!!)
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A Dozen Software engineers waiting for a free
haircut… with Printouts of
Forwarded mail mentioning about free haircut.
Some Cool One - Liners…
1. I say no to alcohol, it just doesn’t listen.
2. A friend in need is a pest indeed.
3. Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
4. Work is fine if it doesn’t take too much of your time.
5. When everything comes in your way you’re in the wrong lane.
6. The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train.
7. Born free, taxed to death.
8. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don’t have film.
9. Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.
10. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
11. If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting
on your pants.
12. It’s not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.
13. I love being a writer… what I can’t stand is the paperwork.
14. A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and
the blinking red light.
15. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented
the other three, he was the genius.
16. The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate
it.
17. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
18. If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?
19. Beat the 5 O’clock rush, leave work at noon!
20. If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
21. It’s not the fall that kills you. It’s the sudden stop at the end.
22. I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
23. Hot glass looks same as cold glass. - Cunino’s Law of Burnt Fingers
24. The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.
25. Someday is not a day of the week
26.You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted
and then used against you.
27.Coincidences are not what i believe in, but they keep happening to me
Short Stories worth Reading…
The air hostess, as she passed along the aisle of the plane on the transatlantic flight from Amsterdam to New York, she noticed that the baby, nestled between the couple who were asleep, didn’t look very well , in fact it looked extremely ill. Not wanting to disturb anyone she gently lifted up the baby and took it back to her station. Feeling the baby’s forehead, she found it was cold and with a sudden panic she realized that the infant was dead. Calling upon a doctor she knew to be on board, he examined the baby and confirmed that, not only was it dead, but it was embalmed. The child’s body had been hollowed out and it was full of the drugs that the couple was trying to smuggle into the States.
A young lady is alone in her apartment. She goes to bed with her dog on the floor beside her. In the middle of the night, she is woken up by a strange sound. She is alarmed, but reaches down to the dog, who licks her hand. She is reassured and goes back to sleep. In the morning, she finds the dog hung in the shower. Where the dog slept, she picks up a note which reads ‘Humans can lick too,”
A woman living in the city {Salt Lake} was visiting some friends in Ogden. When she got into her car in front of this friend’s house, she noticed that a car started up right behind her car. It was about 2:00 in the morning, and there weren’t any other cars on the road. After she had driven to the highway, she began to think that this car was following her. Some of the time he would drive up real close to her car, but he wouldn’t ever pass. She was really scared to death and kept speeding to try to get away from him.
When she got to Salt Lake, she started running stop lights to get away from him, but he would run right through them too. So when she got to her driveway she pulled in really fast, and this guy pulled in right behind her. She just laid on the horn, and her husband came running out. Just then,the guy jumped out of the car, and her husband ran over and said, ‘What the hell’s going’ on here?” So he grabbed the guy, and his wife said, “This man’s followed me all the way from Ogden.”
The man said, ‘I followed your wife because I was going to work, and as I got into my car, I noticed when I turned my lights on, a man’s head bob down in her back seat.” So the husband went over to her back-seat, opened the door, and there was a deranged man sitting on the floor with a knife in his hand.
Two roommates remain at their deserted college dormitory over a holiday break. One of the girls goes out on a date that evening, and the other one turns in and goes to bed before her roommate returns. Later that night the sleeping girl is awakened by gurgling and scratching noises coming from outside the hallway door. Frightened, she locks the door and cowers inside the room until morning.
When the girl finally opens the door and ventures outside, she discovers the bloody corpse of her roommate in the hallway. The murdered girl’s throat had been slit, and she had bled to death in the hallway while clawing at the door.
In Berlin, after World War II, money was short, supplies were tight, and it seemed like everyone was hungry. At that time, people were telling the tale of a young woman who saw a blind man picking his way through a crowd. The two started to talk. The man asked her for a favor: could she deliver the letter to the address on the envelope? Well, it was on her way home, so she agreed. She started out to deliver the message, when she turned around to see if there was anything else the blind man needed. But she spotted him hurrying through the crowd without his smoked glasses or white cane.She went to the police, who raided the address on the envelope, where they found heaps of human flesh for sale. And what was in the envelope?
A note saying ‘This is the last one I am sending you today,”
A male flight attendant was stopping over at Japan. He went to a localbar where a Japanese man and woman approached him. They chatted and had a drink. The man gave him an old traditional Japanese drink. The next memory the flight attendant had, was when he woke up in a bath of ice in a hotel room with agonising pains in his stomach. He managed to pull himself out the bath and phone the police. He told them everything he could remember, the policeman described the two people and the man said that’s what they were like. The policeman calmly told him to get back into the bath and sit there till the police and ambulance had arrived. The man’s kidneys had been removed.
Making concepts from IIM
A Professor at one of the IIM’s (INDIA) was explaining marketing concepts to
the Students:-
1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: “I am very rich. Marry me!” - That’s Direct Marketing
2. You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: “He’s very rich. Marry him.” - That’s Advertising
3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: “Hi, I’m very rich. Marry me.” - That’s Telemarketing
4. You’re at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car)for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say:
By the way, I’m rich. Will you marry me?” - That’s Public Relations
5. You’re at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and
says: You are very rich! Can you marry ! me?” - That’s Brand Recognition
6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say:
I am very rich. Marry me!” She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - That’s Customer Feedback
7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say:
“I am very rich. Marry me!” And she introduces you to her husband. - That’s demand and supply gap
8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before
you say anything, another person come and tell her: “I’m rich. Will you
marry me?” and she goes with him - That’s competition eating into your
market share
9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before
you say: “I’m rich, Marry me!” your wife arrives. - That’s restriction
for entering new markets
Interesting about Microsoft
For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated , “If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.”
In response to Bill’s comments , General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part, esp 7th point):1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single “This Car Has Performed an Illegal Operation” warning light.
7. The airbag system would ask, “Are you sure?” before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
10. You’d have to press the “Start” button to turn the engine off.
Sun Signs of Software Professionals…
Aries - March 21 - April 19
The software professionals belonging to this sign are hard working andsincere. Though they second the Taureans in hard work, they are intelligent in
their approach. They tend to display strong leadership, and their extroverted
and assertive natures let them lead the new cycle eagerly. They have humour
in their programming style and deepest concern for finishing a project. They
are dynamic and active, as befits the beginning of any project cycle. As long
as the boss gives them work and good salary, they are happy. If the
organization is not doing good, they are the first to know about it and they exit
immediately.
Taurus - April 20 - May 20
The most hard working people of all the signs. They are among the strongest
Signs when it comes to getting things done because of their reliable
persistence in moving toward completion of projects. On the other hand, they
can be very stubborn and argumentative. Though they are clumsy at their
work, they get it done. They show the deepest respect to their bosses but
hate them when they are ordered. They can work just on any platform and
language given small amount of learning time. They can withstand failure on
any projects but they undergo a little depression. They do not bother how the
organization is doing as long as they get good work and good salary.
They accommodate changes very easily.
Gemini - May 21 - June 21
These also flirt here. They talk more than what they know and form very bad
programmers. They are fascinated with gathering as much information as
possible, and their facility as communicators - both written and verbal - arises
from this need. They see the problem earlier than any other Sign can. They are
adaptable and able to tackle multiple tasks simultaneously, and they know
how to reason with people, but they may lack follow-through or seem
ungrateful. They tend to use management jargon with young people around
them. They feel jealous when somebody in their group knows more and
achieves more than them. They get their job done by hook or by crook. They
don’t mind getting the work done through somebody and once they get it done
they claim the title. They show deep respect for people who help them. They
change jobs easily and they fare very well in interviews. Geminis cannot be
trusted for more than a year. They are very impractical and cannot get along
well with practical signs like Aries, Taurus.
Cancer - June 22 - July 22
The most emotional of all signs does posses the management skill more than
that of a programmer. They can manage projects and they have appreciation
for good software professionals. Though they themselves do not form good
software professionals, they motivate/demotivate their fellow people. They
can argue on any matter easily and win over it either through a practical
approach or emotionally. They play intelligently when given a task. They also,
like Gemini, get the work done through colleagues once they know they are
not capable. They are very honest and if they can’t do a job they will tell you
straight in the face. They feel embarrassed when they feel they are unable to
do, when a colleague can do it easily. They are also jealous when they see
people growing around them. They try hard to be on par with everybody else.
They stay for a long time in a company only if they get more respect than what
they deserve.
Leo - July 23 - August 23
The creative software professionals. They know how what works and how to
get it done in the shortest time. They show their flamboyance in whatever
work they do. Though most Leos don’t prefer Software, the ones that are in
would not like to be in it. They would prefer to be outside where they can
show other talents which they posses. Leos may be arrogant or egotistical,
but they are good organizers and tend to be popular and even inspiring. Leos
tend to be self-centered and more concerned with personal popularity rather
than group goals and sharing of ideas. Despite their tendency to patronizingly
interfere in others’ plans, they are leaders, confident and dignified. Despite
their tendency toward bossiness, the natural leadership of people born under
Leo and their administrative prowess helps ensure that their projects are
successful. As leaders, Leos are decisive and direct, optimistic that they will
succeed. Sometimes they exaggerate problems and overreact to stumbling
blocks, but generally they are positive and their natural pride and the stubborn
streak keeps them from giving up. They can be demanding leaders, but they
are also generous. Leos could not be generalized as far as their personal
behavior goes. Its up to you to know whether they can be trusted.
Virgo - August 24 - September 22
Virgo, the sharing mind. They let out whatever they know to others. They
grow in a organization easily. Virgo brings their skills and talents together for
the good of others. Virgo are industrious and efficient when working for a good
cause. They are shy and nervous when they want to say something of
importance though. They are unable to demonstrate that they know. But they
are practical and logical, and they’re skilled at seeing all sides of a situation.
Virgos tend to be about smaller-scale projects and individuals. They are very
good at understanding what people are saying beneath the surface words of
their communication. Detailed and precise, people born under Virgo tend to be
neat and exacting, but sometimes petty and overly fussy. At the other end of
the scale, some Virgos can be sloppy. They are reliable, practical, and diligent,
but they can sometimes seem picky or over-critical to people who aren’t as
discriminating as they are.The don’t tend to do well in projects that require
many interactions and people involvement. Though there are lot
contradictions, the summary is that they can be good at things that are small
given a lot of time for implementation. They may worry too much about small
details, and they can seem demanding and critical. Their nature and attention
to duty can seem like nit-picking pettiness if the people around them don’t
understand Virgo’s desire perfection.
Libra - September 23 - October 22
Best people to work with in large scale project activity. They form the best
middle level co-ordinators in projects and bring harmony amongst all. They try
to bring justice but can be persuaded by anybody to any side They don’t have
a clear balance in what they do. But when they are given a schedule you can
be sure that a Libran will succeed in that. They are very demanding as far as
money goes. Its important that a Libran never gets bored, because if he is so,
he is out of everything. He will not do a single task when his mood is off.
Libra’s intellectual orientation to the world around them makes them skilled at
communication and reasoning, and their intelligence combines with their
interest in other people to become an intellectual explorer of the people
around them. Because their efforts are mentally rather than emotionally
motivated, Librans tend to be very judicial; they are good at diplomacy and
compromise. Because they are generally reluctant to face confrontation,
people born under Libra learn to be persuasive, courteous, and adaptable. But
this may also make them seem cold and unemotional or manipulative They are
team workers, skilled at cooperative action, but they can also be self-doubting.
They are trustworthy for long times as long as they have a good working
atmosphere.
Scorpio - October 23 - November 21
The most intuitive software professionals. They do not like to be controlled by
others and often tend to be the bosses even if they aren’t one. If things go
wrong they just quit. If a project doesn’t seem to go well and they are in a
tight spot they just abscond and never come back. But if they make their mind
( 8% of the Scorpios they tend to be stubborn, refusing to give up when others
have long since gotten bored and abandoned a project, and getting things
done when no one else thought it possible. They have their own schedule and
they work on it. They are not adaptable to group situations and tend to be
what they are. They are very secretive in what ever they do. They are highly
revengeful and will strike when somebody steps in their way. But most
Scorpios are misunderstood. They try to know things around them and are the
first to be aware of the new technologies. They enjoy competition and they
never settle for something less then best. They are trustworthy as long as
they have work and happy and they have somebody in the management to
care of them. But when things go bad the Scorpios can never be trusted,
better to lay him off right away if you think he is playing bad.
Sagittarius - November 22 - December 21
The learned Software professional. They learn more than what is required in
this field and are the most adaptable folks. They really care little for any
project plans and know how to get it changed. Their main desire is freedom in
whatever they do. Given a free hand, they do best. They are less co-operative
in groups and tend to be very pushy. They talk too much before they think and
always fail at critical times. They are eager in getting things started and they
jump so quickly and if they fail they fail quickly too. They like one-to-one
challenges and are driven away by the group when they try blunt talk. They
come back to the group after a fight, sulking but needing. They have great
love for knowledge. They are trustworthy as long as they think that they are
learning in the current organization. They would go away in a flash if they feel
that they can learn more elsewhere.
Capricorn - December 22 - January 19
Capricorns are practical and over ambitious. The are down to earth when they
want to get things completed. They are practical, realistic, and cautious when
they schedule something. They have the highest determination for success,
they view each project as a block for their success and are less bothered
about the project itself. They can also be rigid and unforgiving when others
stand in their way. Their organizational ability combines with their diligence to
help them achieve, but they can be narrow-minded and over-critical of people
not as ambitious as they are. Capricorns would work hard and hard just for
their personal success and not for their satisfaction, which is just the
opposite in case of a Taurus. They are dependable and serious, never giving
up on their goals. Other people may see their ambition as domineering or a
reflection of egotism, but they are patient and purposeful when working
toward what they want. Sometimes they may be overly critical, even bossy,
but this is due to their strong desire to achieve their goals and not to a desire
to be rude.
Aquarius - January 20 - February 18
Hard working, and get things done just for the organization. They are very
good at group projects and form good co-ordinators. They can be opinionated,
and they work hard to bring their ideas to fruition, stubbornly refusing to give
up their causes. They get to know the technology around them and would
discuss with the people around. But since they stick to what ever they think is
right sometimes this makes them go away from the group and they keep aloof.
The are trustworthy and would stick on for a long time given the right kind of
people around them.
Pisces - February 19 - March 20
The people who are just meant to work only in group. They are selfless and do
it as you require. They most important thing to be put in them is the “focus”
since they get out doing something when they lose interest. All signs take
advantage of a Pisces for their work because they would like to make use of
his abilities. Though they are not intellectuals they are very broad minded and
good thinkers. Very trustworthy as long as they are not abused too often by
Why am I the one to die?
I went to a party Mom,
I remembered what you said.
You told me not to drink, Mom,
So I drank soda instead.
The way you said I would.
I didn’t drink and drive, Mom,
Even though the others said I should.
I know I did the right thing, Mom,
I know you are always right.
Now the party is finally ending, Mom,
As everyone is driving out of sight.
As I got into my car, Mom,
I knew I’d get home in one piece.
Because of the way you raised me,
So responsible and sweet.
I started to drive away, Mom,
But as I pulled out into the road,
The other car didn’t see me, Mom,
And hit me like a load.
As I lay there on the pavement, Mom,
I hear the policeman say,
“The other guy is drunk,” Mom,
And now I’m the one who will pay.
I’m lying here dying, Mom….
I wish you’d get here soon.
How could this happen to me, Mom?
My life just burst like a balloon.
There is blood all around me, Mom,
And most of it is mine.
I hear the medic say, Mom,
I’ll die in a short time.
I just wanted to tell you, Mom,
I swear I didn’t drink.
It was the others, Mom.
The others didn’t think.
He was probably at the same party as I.
The only difference is, he drank
And I will die.
Why do people drink, Mom?
It can ruin your whole life.
I’m feeling sharp pains now.
Pains just like a knife.
The guy who hit me is walking, Mom,
And I don’t think it’s fair.
I’m lying here dying
And all he can do is stare.
Tell my brother not to cry, Mom.
Tell Daddy to be brave.
And when I go to heaven, Mom,
Put “Mumma’s Boy” on my grave.
Someone should have told him, Mom,
Not to drink and drive.
If only they had told him, Mom,
I would still be alive.
My breath is getting shorter, Mom.
I’m becoming very scared.
Please don’t cry for me, Mom.
When I needed you, you were always there.
I have one last question, Mom.
Before I say good bye.
I didn’t drink and drive,
So why am I the one to die?
Some W a c k y Quotes
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it
seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an
hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT’S
relativity.
- Albert Einstein
the moment you get up in the morning and does not
stop until you get into the office.
- Robert Frost
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s
there to appreciate it.
- Franklin P. Jones
We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain
the success of those we don’t like?
- Jean Cocturan
It matters not whether you win or lose; what
matters is whether I win or lose.
- Darrin Weinberg
Life is pleasant.
Death is peaceful.
It’s the transition that’s troublesome.
Help a man when he is in trouble and he will
remember you when he is
in trouble again.
Complex problems have simple, easy to understand
wrong answers.
It is not exactly cheating, I prefer to consider it
creative problem solving.
Whoever said money can’t buy happiness, didn’t know
where to shop.
Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems , but then again,
neither does milk.
Most people are only alive because it is illegal to
shoot them.
Forgive your enemies but remember their names.
The number of people watching you is directly
proportional to the stupidity of your action.
Dont worry that the world ends today, its already
tomorrow in Australia !
For Those Who Take Life Too Seriously
- Save the whales. Collect the whole set
- A day without sunshine is, like, night
- On the other hand, you have different fingers.
- I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
- 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
- 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
- I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
- You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
- I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
- Honk if you love peace and quiet.
- Remember half the people you know are below average.
- Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
- Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool.
- Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
- He who laughs last thinks slowest.
- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
- Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
- I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
- I intend to live forever - so far so good.
- Borrow money from a pessimist - they don’t expect it back.
- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
- Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
- The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
- Support bacteria - they’re the only culture some people have.
- When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
- If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
- Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
- For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
- Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks
- Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
- No one is listening until you make a mistake.
- Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.
- The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
- The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
- To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
- Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
- You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
- Two wrongs are only the beginning.
- The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
- The sooner you fall behind the more time you’ll have to catch up.
- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
- Change is inevitable except from vending machines.
- Get a new car for your spouse - it’ll be a great trade!
- Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.
- Always try to be modest and be proud of it!
- If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
- How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand…
- Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
- If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving isn’t for you.
Employee Resignation ——————Poetic Resignation
Poetic Resignation
The name is good, the brand is big
But the work I do is that of a pig
The work or the brand; what is my way?
I don’t know if I should stay.
To work, they have set their own way
Nobody will care to hear what I say
My will be NULL, they wont change their way
I don’t know if I should stay.
The project is in a critical stage
But to do good work, this is the age
This dilemma is killing me day by day
I don’t know if I should stay.
The money is good, the place is great
But the development is at a very small rate
Should I go for the work, or wait for pay
I don’t know if I should stay!
The managers don’t know what they talk
The team doesn’t know where they walk
That’s a bad situation, what say?
I don’t know if I should stay.
I can go to any other place
But what if I get the same disgrace
I can’t keep switching day by day
I don’t know if I should stay.
The -ves are more, the +ves are less
Then why have this unnecessary mess
No more will I walk their way,
It’s all done, I won’t stay.
Thanks & Regards
Employee
Manager Response
Reply: What I want to say? (Manager)
The decision is good or decision is bad
Only God knows still I am glad
Keep moving in life that is what I can say
If you feel right go in the same way
May god give you the work, the challenge you want
Anyway there is always a second chance
Chances are there, grab them snatch them
That is what I can say
Keep on jumping companies to get more and more and more….
That will keep you always a fore (Even to me)
From my experience I can tell you
Being in software development is like taking hell out of you
You are frustrated since you have no quality work
And you were frustrated because you had quantity work
It’s always like that previous job was better than the current one
And expects the new job will be much better than this one
But what you get is a frustration level up to sun
Than you will again send the resignation like this one
This is all what I want to say
Have you completed all the formalities?
Filled the form and got it signed from department humanities (HR)
Once done you can take all your cash
But don’t refer others as they will follow you’re as.
At last I appreciate your contribution to the company
Even though there was not any….
You will keep a copy of this with you for FYI
Don’t feel shy
As I also got it some time back from my old manger say Hi….
That is all what I want to say.
Thanks & Regards
Manager
50 most romantic things to do with your Girlfriend/Boyfriend
1. Watch the sunset together.
2. Whisper to each other.
3. Cook for each other.
4. Walk in the rain.
5. Hold hands.
6. Buy gifts for each other.
7. Roses.
8. Find out their favorite cologne/perfume and wear it every time you’re together.
9. Go for a long walk down the beach at midnight.
10. Write poetry for each other11. Hugs are the universal medicine.
12. Say I love you, only when you mean it and make sure they know you mean it.
13. Give random gifts of flowers/candy/ poetry etc.
14. Tell her that she’s the only girl you ever want. Do not lie.
15. Spend every second possible together .
16. Look into each other’s eyes.
17. Very lightly push up her chin, look into her eyes, tell her you love her, and kiss her lightly.
18. When in public, don’t flirt with each other.
19. Put love notes in their pockets when they aren’t looking.
20. Buy her a ring.
21. Sing to each other.
22. Always hold her around her hips/sides.
23. Take her to dinner and do the dinner for two deal.
24. Spaghetti? (Ever see Lady and the Tramp?)
25. Hold her hand, stare into her eyes, kiss her hand and then put it over your heart.
26. Dance together.
27. Let your girl fall asleep with her head in your lap. (It looks real cute)
28. Do cute things like write I love you in a note so that they have to look in a mirror to read it.
29. Make excuses to call them every 5 minutes
30. Even if you are really busy doing something, go out of your way to call and say I love you.
31. Call from your vacation spot to tell them you were thinking about them.
32. Remember your dreams and tell her about them.
33. Always tell her how pretty she looks.
34. Tell each other your most sacred secrets/fears.
35. Be Prince Charming to her parents.(Brownie Points)
36. Brush her hair out of her face for her.
37. Hang out with his/her friends. (more brownie points)
38. Go to church/pray/ worship together.
39. Take her to see a romantic movie and remember the parts she liked.
40. Learn from each other and don’t make the same mistake twice.
41. Describe the joy you feel just to be with him/her.
42. Make sacrifices for each other.
43. Really love each other, or don’t stay together.
44. Let there never be a second during any given day that you aren’tthinking about them, and make sure they know it.
45. Love yourself before you love anyone else.
46. Learn to say sweet things in foreign languages.
47. Dedicate songs to them on the radio.
48. Fall asleep on the phone with each other.
49. Stand up for them when someone talks trash.
50. Never forget the kiss goodnight. And always remember to say, “Sweet dreams.”
One day I sent a letter to my boss asking for an increase in my salary
One day I sent a letter to my boss asking for an increase in my salary!!! Dear Bo$$
In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company .
I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.
Your$ $incerely,Vivek $hanmugam
The next day,I recieved this letter of reply :Dear Vivek $hanmugam,
I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet .
NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad .
I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean ..
THE INTERVIEW WITH GOD
I dreamed I had an interview with God.
?So you would like to interview me?? God asked.
?So you would like to interview me?? God asked.
?If you have the time? I said.
God smiled. ?My time is eternity.?
?What questions do you have in mind for me??
?What surprises you most about humankind??
God answered…
?That they get bored with childhood,
they rush to grow up, and then
long to be children again.?
?That they lose their health to make money…
and then lose their money to restore their health.?
?That by thinking anxiously about the future,
they forget the present,
such that they live in neither
the present nor the future.?
“That they live as if they will never die,
and die as though they had never lived.?
God?s hand took mine
and we were silent for a while.
And then I asked…
?As a parent, what are some of life?s lessons
you want your children to learn??
?To learn they cannot make anyone
love them. All they can do
is let themselves be loved.?
?To learn that it is not good
to compare themselves to others.?
?To learn to forgive
by practicing forgiveness.?
?To learn that it only takes a few seconds
to open profound wounds in those they love,
and it can take many years to heal them.?
?To learn that a rich person
is not one who has the most,
but is one who needs the least.?
?To learn that there are people
who love them dearly,
but simply have not yet learned
how to express or show their feelings.?
?To learn that two people can
look at the same thing
and see it differently.?
?To learn that it is not enough that they
forgive one another, but they must also forgive themselves.?
“Thank you for your time,” I said humbly.
“Is there anything else
you would like your children to know?”
God smiled and said,
?Just know that I am here… always.?
21st century… The time has changed
Our communication – Wireless
Our dress – Topless
Our telephone - Cordless
Our cooking - FirelessOur youth - Jobless
Our food - Fatless
Our labour - Effortless
Our conduct - Worthless
Our relation - Loveless
Our attitude - Careless
Our feelings - Heartless
Our politics - Shameless
Our Future - Hopeless
Our education - Valueless
Our follies - Countless
Our arguments - Baseless
Our boss - Brainless
Our Job - Thankless
Our Salary - Very less
Software Engineer's Movie
Hero is a software engineer. He does not have a life worth speaking of.
He spends eighteen hours a day in the office working and browsing the
net.
Heroine is a software engineer in the same company. She does not have a
life either. She spends eight hours in front of her PC, thirteen hours
in front of the TV and the remaining, sleeping.
One day, Hero meets Heroine in a staff meeting. They argue endlessly
about the insanity of Microsoft applications.. especially Outlook 2003.
Couple of such fights later, Heroine is found drinking coffee with Hero
in Office canteen.
“What is life?” asks the Hero looking at the vacuum right above her
head.
“I’ve been wondering too.” sighs the heroine.
“Why are we fighting over Outlook 2003?” Hero drinks his black coffee.
“And why are we not talking about Lotus NOtes” Heroine sips her Latte.
Hero shakes his head. “It’s not about software products. It is about
life. I guess life is much bigger than OUtlook 2003.”
Heroine nods. “I think it is. I am not sure though. Do you know that
Microsoft has come up with a fix to that bug you’ve been using to prove
Outlook is a worthless piece of garbage?”
“Heroine,” Hero is now determined, “From this moment onwards, I am not
discussing anything remotely related to software.”
“Fine Hero,” says Heroine, “Good bye then.”
Hero then returns all the Sybase manuals to the library and rents out
“how to live a life?”Heroine meanwhile gets into an altercation with the villain during a
conversation on Sharepoint server. Villain vows to format the hard disk
of the heroine. Heroine takes her PC and runs away from the cubicle
trying to escape from the villain’s evil intentions. Since it is night
shift, no one comes to her rescue.
Hero, who has been reading “how to live a life” very seriously, suddenly
finds out that he loves the heroine as much as he used to love Tetris.
So hero messages Heroine on Yahoo Instant messenger. But there is no
reply. Hero does not understand it. He knows that the heroine is
supposed to be in night shift. What is she doing in Night shift if not
on Yahoo Instant Messenger? As far as he know that is what people are
supposed to do in night shift.
Hero senses trouble. He runs barefooted on the Information Superhighway
and reaches office just in time to see the villain snatch the PC out of
heroine’s hands and type the command “Format C:\”. When his fingers get
to the “Enter” key, hero delivers the killer punch on villain’s face.
Villain is thrown back. But in the process he manages to press the Enter
key…
The world comes to a standstill. The sky roars. The Rain pours.
Heroine breaks down. Villain is on cloud nine. But our Hero isn’t sad.
He is smiling. Villain cannot understand. Hero then says, “Villain, You
should learn DOS properly. Your grave mistake…”. He shows the monitor
to Villain. The DOS command prompt says “Are you sure?”. It is waiting
for a “Y” to commence the formatting operation. Hero then simply presses
“N”.
Villain cries in frustration “Nooooooo” and charges like a bull. Then
follows a lengthy fight. Heroine meanwhile calls the police and they
come right after hero beats the villain to pulp. Without asking any
questions, the police understand who is hero and who is villain and take
him into custody. Heroine, tears in her eyes, takes her PC, switches it
on and jumps with joy when she finds her favorite Calvin and Hobbs
collection in tact in her C drive.
“You saved my data” she exclaims.
“No, you saved it yourself.” hero says.
“No.. Jesus saves. I don’t” she cries.
“Nothing happened na.” Hero consoles.
“Let us get married” heroine sheds some more tears, “I want someone by
my side to protect the Calvin and Hobbscollection on my PC”.
“I love you Heroine” says the hero.
“I love you Hero” says the heroine.
“So you agree that Outlook 2003 is a bad product”.
“No I don’t. Why not we talk about Lotus nOtes?”
The End.
10 ways to be a blogging failure
1. Be inconsistent
It’s important for you to post on a regular basis. A blog you ignore for long periods of time will soon be ignored by readers, too. In general, blogs that focus on a particular subject or theme are most successful, so consistency in subject matter is important, too. But it’s not enough just to post consistently and keep on topic–you also risk losing readers if you aren’t consistent in your viewpoint.
Blogs often contain strong opinions, and readers like that. What they don’t like are bloggers who change their opinions too often. Sure, the once-in-a-lifetime grand epiphany that causes you to change your perspective can and should be shared with your readers, but you’re likely to lose fans if you flip flop frequently, as proven by many political elections.
Taking a firm stand may win you enemies, but trying to please all of the people all of the time is likely to drive away all but your most stalwart friends.
2. Allow too much advertising
It’s a heady feeling: Someone is willing to pay you to put their ads on your blog site. It usually means your blog has reached a certain level of popularity, or at least that you’ve found a valuable corporate benefactor (or have a rich uncle who’s taken pity on you). Accepting advertising is a great way to get some monetary compensation for the time and effort you put into blogging. But there’s a right way and a wrong way to do it.
Most readers don’t mind a few tasteful, well-placed ads. Problems occur when the ads get too numerous or worse, too intrusive. Popups particularly inspire hatred, and the ones that dance across the page and won’t leave until they’ve finished getting their messages across can cause impatient readers to click away and never come back, no matter how brilliant your blog might be.
The real kiss of death, though, is when readers start to see the blog itself as nothing more than an advertising vehicle. If one of your advertisers makes a wonderful product that you want to share with your readers, it’s okay to post about it–but it’s definitely not okay to mention it in every other post. Readers quickly see through blatant product placement attempts. You won’t fool them by incorporating the ads into your posts.
3. Use your blog to further personal vendettas
Because a blog, even a professional one, is a personal form of writing–usually done in first person, usually expressing opinions as well as facts, and often disclosing at least some personal information–some bloggers use it like a bludgeon to bash those they don’t like.
This kind of blog can even be popular, especially with others who dislike the same people you do and follow the philosophy that “the enemy of my enemy is my friend.” But blogs that do nothing except criticize and castigate other people, whether those other people are national politicians or the blogger’s ex-spouse, get a bit tiring after awhile.
More important, it makes you look like an angry, bitter whiner and complainer. Although a few big celebrities on both sides of the political aisle have built multimillion dollar careers on just such an image, it takes a real pro to get away with it. Most who try it just come off looking like unpleasant people with whom most readers wouldn’t want to spend time, and they won’t want to spend time reading your redundant rants, either.
4. Ignore your readers
If your blog contains posts that are informative, funny, profound, insightful, controversial, interesting and/or engaging, odds are that your readers will want to get in touch with you. It’s human nature, when we read something we love or hate, to respond.
A blog that gives readers no way to do that may not achieve the popularity it would otherwise. If you post under a pseudonym or anonymously, provide no e-mail address, disallow comments, and otherwise shut your readers out and make it clear that your communications are a one-way street, you’re bound to alienate some of them. They won’t care as much about your posts as they would if they felt they “knew” you and could give you their feedback and input.
Does that mean you have to let your blog get all cluttered up with a bunch of comments or spend hours reading and answering reader mail every day? Not necessarily. But there are things you can do to create the illusion of closeness even if you don’t actually want to get to know your readers.
If you must protect your real identity, at least give them a made-up name by which they can know you. Provide an e-mail address they can write to, even if you must include with it a warning that you aren’t able to answer personal mail due to time constraints. Refer to a reader’s message now and then in a blog post. Even if you don’t answer readers’ questions, it makes them feel that you do read and sometimes respond to reader mail.
5. Post about your personal life
There are many good reasons not to post about the intimate details of your personal life on the Internet. That includes your love life, your fight with your spouse, how annoyed you are by your next-door neighbor, the stupid thing your boss did last week, the great time you had getting drunk as a skunk and skinny dipping in the pool at a co-worker’s birthday party, bailing your sister out of jail, and so forth.
First, who cares? Unless you’re famous, your readers aren’t likely to be all that interested in your romances, feuds, and exploits. But more important, posts that reveal intimate details can come back to haunt you. You don’t know who may eventually read those juicy little tidbits. Are you comfortable with the thought of your minister, your parents, a potential love interest, or a possible employer reading your posts? Many companies now do background research on job candidates by searching the Web. And even if you use a false name, you may not be safe. The more personal your posts, the more likely it is that those who know you will be able to identify you.
6. Steal other people’s material
The Internet makes plagiarism easy. Don’t feel like doing a blog post today? You might be tempted to cut and paste something you read and liked from another blog or article. Using other people’s writing without their permission is called copyright violation. Using other people’s writing without their permission and putting your own name on it is called plagiarism. Both are against the law in most jurisdictions. Even if you’re never sued or prosecuted for it, if you get a reputation for copying content, you’ll lose the respect of your readers.
That doesn’t mean you can’t write aboutwhat someone else said. You can even quote them, if you do so within the parameters of fair use (see this site for information on what constitutes fair use under U.S. copyright law) or if you get the original author’s permission. Since fair use usually involves quoting only a small amount of the original material, it’s good form to provide a link back to the original (or a citation of the source if it’s not online).
What if someone else’s article inspires you to post on the same topic, but you don’t want to quote them? Well, ideas can’t be copyrighted, just the expression of those ideas. But just changing a few words around doesn’t make your expression original. Use common sense and treat other writers and their material as you’d want them to treat you.
7. Spread FUD (fear, uncertainty and doubt)
Gossip columns were popular long before the advent of the Internet, but passing along rumors that haven’t been verified can backfire on you and destroy your credibility if they turn out to be untrue. This doesn’t apply just to gossip about people, but also to rumors about companies and products.
Writing about your own bad experience with a software program that wouldn’t run on your computer is one thing; writing that Program X is a piece of junk because you heard it from your aunt’s best friend’s neighbor who, after all, is a high-paid programmer and ought to know, is another.
A good rule of thumb is that if you’re thinking about saying something bad about someone or something, check it out yourself first. Give the target of the rumor a chance to tell his or her side. Try the product personally. Write to the company about the alleged problem and ask what they’re doing to address it.
Remember that just because you saw it on the Internet, that doesn’t make it true. And just because you published it on the Internet rather than in the New York Times, that doesn’t mean you can’t be sued for slander, libel, or defamation of character.
8. Don’t monitor comments
If you decide to allow comments on your blog, you become responsible for their content. Some bloggers, in the interests of free speech, allow an “anything goes” atmosphere to prevail, in which a few angry or provocative readers can take over and post inflammatory comments or even start a comments war.
Constitutional protections of free speech apply only to the government suppressing speech. On your blog, as in your home, you have the right to insist that others behave in an appropriate manner or get out. Unruly readers who post offensive comments can and should have their comments removed and/or be banned from posting on your site.
9. Don’t look before you link
A surprising number of bloggers post links to sites they’ve never visited or which they’ve visited only briefly. Check out links thoroughly before putting them in your blog and make sure they’re appropriate for your readership. If you’re doing a blog for your church group, you probably don’t want to include that link to a funny video if the site has advertising for porn shops, even though that particular video is completely innocent.
Another reason to check links is to make sure they actually work. That seems obvious, but it’s not uncommon to encounter dead links in one-day-old blog posts. If your blog is a highly popular one that sees a lot of traffic, it’s a good idea to ask Web site owners before linking to their sites. Someone who’s running a site on a slow link can have their server brought to its knees by a sudden huge influx of traffic driven by your post.
It’s also good netiquette to warn your readers if the site you’re linking to has loud sounds or music. Some folks may read your blog from work or other locations where they’d appreciate the chance to turn the speakers down or hit the mute button before going to a site that blasts out the latest rap song at 60 decibels as background sound.
10. Worry too much about following the rules
This and other similar articles are designed to give you a set of guidelines about things that, in general, make blogs more or less attractive to readers. None of these “rules” are set in stone, and some bloggers have become wildly popular by breaking some or all of them.
It’s up to you to decide what you want to accomplish with your blog and the risks you’re willing to take to do so. The beauty–and curse–of blogging is that there are no rules; there are (usually) no editors to tell you what to say or not say and how to say it or how not to say it. There are (often) no “money men” to worry about the bottom line, no attorneys to remind you about liability, no censors other than your own conscience to tell you that what you want to write is inappropriate. There are plenty of critics, after the fact, but there’s no one to stop you from publishing anything you want.
He (or she) who controls the media controls the world. Thanks to today’s technology, almost anyone can control a small piece of the media and own a bit of the power and responsibility that go with that.
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